I’ve enjoyed reading Rosalind’s last 2 posts, and the comments in reply. Clearly, the majority of us with a chronic illness are complete and whole women with many different interests and goals. Chronic illness is never part of any one’s long-term plan but when it comes along, it changes many things, for good and difficult.
I was listening to an interview on-line of Richard Cohen by Good Morning America on the ABC site. He’s promoting his book, “Strong at the Broken Places.” Richard has MS. His message is similar to ours, and the same as others writing and supporting people with chronic illness. People with chronic illness do better when they have activities, goals and interests outside their illnesses. Without them, we forget we are more than our bodies.
When Rosalind and I first started working on our book, she told me about the messages many women who are chronically ill have received to go ahead and take it easy, to stay home, and be available for her family. Not ever hearing such things from anyone in my life, I couldn’t relate. But, she assured me, it happens to women, and it certainly happens to women more than men. That, I can believe.
This is why we’re writing for women and why we think Keep Working, Girlfriend! is an important book. Women have a few more mixed messages to overcome than men, from our friends, doctors, family and even ourselves! We already have a enough guilt to last a lifetime if we have children. Add a chronic illness to the mix and we’re sunk.
We are all identified by our roles in life. “I’m a mother.” “I’m a sick person.” “I’m a manager.” “I’m a (fill in the blank).” Truthfully, we are none of those exclusively, and when we identify too much with any role we limit our potential. Symptoms associated with our illnesses are something we live with, like brown hair. (Ok, not quite the same, but you know what I mean.) On the other side of the coin, our physical challenges provide us with tremendous opportunities to expand and grow. Do you agree or disagree?
Joan
Now that my chronic pain condition is fairly well controlled, I can say that it has been the greatest torture and the greatest blessing. I would not have developed in the ways I have had it not been for pain acting as the prod. I wish it could have happened otherwise, and I would never wish it for anyone else, but it was my path.
I’m glad you’re doing this book – it’s so important.
I’m inspired by the title of this post. It could just as easily say I have limiting thoughts though I am not my limiting thoughts. It’s very important that we do not take on the identity of our illness, or any physical or mental limitation. Regardless of our challenges we are whole and complete at the core of our spirit.
Barbara, I’ve had a very similar experience. When I was first diagnosed I fought hard, and every time I had a flare up I always included one question in case it made a difference. I asked myself if there was anything off in my life that I needed to make right to help me get better. The questioning helped me grow, and I like to believe it helped with healing each time, little step by little step.
It’s that warrior spirit we applaud in all of us. Here’s to yours.
Tom, it’s easy to forget, but it’s true, isn’t it? The same is true for those identities we get positive feelings from. Not to get too esoteric, but it’s the joy of the human dance. Keep dancing.
First of all, I want to say how much I like your blog and I’m excited to explore it. I just started a blog of my own about the intersections of chronic illnesses (particularly IC, PFD, insulin resistance, PCOS, etc.) Feel free to link, and I will do the same.
Secondly, I do agree with this BUT I think it’s a realization that comes after time. For awhile when symptoms flare up or before being diagnosed we really ARE the illness to an extent because it consumes so much of our lives. Not being the illness is a powerful thing, and it’s something that comes with time, knowledge, and experience. I think it’s part of coming to terms with the cards you’ve been dealt and that doesn’t come easy. We have other roles absolutely, and at a certain point we’ll learn to assume them again, but in the beginning, in order to get past the illness we have to be the illness to a certain extent.
I found your site through Kerrie at The Daily Headache. Thank you for your encouragement for those of us who struggle to keep working when so many try to convince us that we are our condition and little else. I am not Chronic Daily Headache. I am more. Much more.
Thanks again.