Are you finding that looking for a job when you live with a chronic illness is daunting, overwhelming, depressing . . .

• “… Enter work gradually and with honesty to your employer about your health needs” .   YES!  If you don’t give yourself time to ramp up because you worry about what “they’ll” think of you,  you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Monitor and watch how work impacts you isn’t necessarily a bad thing.   I think high energy is an over-rated qualities.  Also, if you don’t tell your employer what you need, it’s unlikely you’ll do the job well.  Why set yourself up for failure?

• “… Find something that you feel passionate about so it’s a balance to your health…”   Hmm, passionate.  Let’s face it, few of us get to work at something we feel passionately about. But you can and have to find something that you care about in your job/career, whether it’s what you do, who you’re doing it for or just the folks you see every day.  Otherwise it’s just a job.  And when you’re struggling with chronic illness symptoms, that’s not enough to counterbalance the  struggles.

Rosalind Joffe  aka cicoach.com

Don’t Miss This!    MONDAY, November 3

THE FIRST DAY OF OUR VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR!

Check out the bloggers and their dates!

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We talked about her situation, and this overwhelming feeling she had that she didn’t want to return to her job. Though she had the skill set (she does IT work for one of the big consulting firms), she was not excited about returning to “the job,” and to the high-stress environment. But, as many people are when they’ve been on a particular track, she was uncertain about her ability to do anything else.

To compound her dilemma, she’s here in a work visa (from Canada) and even though she’s married to a U.S. citizen, any employer who would hire her would have to sponsor her, which means that they have to bring her on board for her special skill set. So, she’s got some extra constraints. But that didn’t stop her from dreaming. I loved her attitude.

I recommended 2 books that really helped me figure out what I really wanted to do with my life and for work, Do What You Are by Paul and Barbara Tieger, and How to Find the Work you Love by Laurence Boldt. About a week later, I received the following email (edited for relevance):

I  had a great week…  You are right I’m still coming to an ending and can’t wait for the beginning of exciting new times.  After we spoke last week I went to the small library near my home.  In the library there is a second hand bookstore that I checked out.  It was probably my third time there and they were looking for some volunteers to work 2 hours on one day a week.  So I signed up and did some training last week.  It’s really not very hard or super stressful and the people are very nice.  Plus it gets me out of the house into a new environment.

I did plan to look for the books you suggested in the library but got into the training at the bookstore first.  Then as I was helping to shelve some books these 2 books were staring me in the face… It was like it was meant to be and you can’t beat the prices for the second hand books which is great for us right now.  I was so into the training and helping out and wasn’t even thinking about the books at the time.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the Boldt book!!!! It’s so applicable and I feel like he’s really talking to me since I can relate to everything he mentions or even what the greats over time have known. It helps me to feel more hopeful about the future.  But at the same time I’m really looking forward to the future and working towards a new type of work and a new me!

Thanks again and have a fantastico week!

Can you feel her the shift in her outlook? Though it may take her a while to figure things out, especially with her potential visa constraints, I have no doubt she will. If you were talking to her, what would you tell her? Do you have resources that have helped you through similar transitions?

Joan

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If there’s anything my illness taught me, it was to pace myself and know when enough is enough, and that all will be ok, even if I don’t always do what I planned to do. About an hour ago I was sitting in a cafe plugging away to prepare for my Dare to Automate teleseminar tomorrow, and I ran out of steam. So I stopped. I felt my body say, “OK, that’s it Joan!” (Have you noticed greater atunement to your body too?) I packed my stuff and came home.

And, then I remembered I told Rosalind I’d post tonight. So I sit with my laptop back on my sofa and write what’s on my mind and share what’s going on at this moment rather than craft the message I had planned.

When your body says “no more,” do you pay closer attention than you used to? I’ve learned that needs tending will be there when I’m ready, and some seemingly pressing commitments often fall away.

Joan

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One of our basic tenets in Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girfriend! is that it’s more difficult to get back to work once you leave for any period of time. Your skills are likely to become obsolete, you will have taken yourself off any career path you may have been on, and you may not be taken seriously by some. Plus, you’ll be older!

The author of the magazine article, Rebecca Berry, in briefly sharing a couple of the stories, mentioned the following “success” factors:

1. Confidence in your ability to be successful
2. Networking to meet people who can help (when you’re ready to go back)
3. Ask for introductions from your friends
4. Volunteer first; then start looking for a job
5. Do whatever you can to be involved in extra-curricular activities to combat isolation during the time you’re not working.

Can the above success factors also apply to women who had to stop working due to illness? What’s different about our situations? I think you might agree that factors 1-3 can certainly be applied, but I’m less certain about suggestions 4 and 5. It’s certainly not easy to volunteer or engage in fun activities when you can barely walk due to pain, fatigue or diminished physical capacity, but would factors 4 and 5 be good bridge-builders once you feel well enough to make social commitments, but before you’re ready to get back to work?

As I write this I remember that, even when I wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t do a lot of things that required any amount of physical exertion, I sometimes attended seminars I was interested in. I brought my soft cozy blanket with me so that the air conditioning didn’t aggravate my symptoms, sat in an aisle seat near that back of the room and let the course leaders know I might have to take more frequent bathroom breaks. I also didn’t attend anything that started too early in the morning.

If, in caring for your health, you have been out of the workforce and are feeling discouraged, you might get inspiration from Emma Gilbey Keller’s The Comeback. You can also check out an action-oriented job finding book, Get Hired Now! ™ by C.J. Hayden and Frank Traditi. it will guide you to identify your “stuck area,” to select projects to help you get unstuck, and to create an action plan of your own design, that can help replicate the success factors above.

Joan

P.S. Last week Rosalind wrote a great post about our invitation to discuss what you agree with and don’t agree with regarding our posts. I ditto that!

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If anyone had told me that my first book would be based on my experience living and working with a chronic illness, I would not have believed it. I was a pretty darn healthy girl. If they also told me that I would be talking to groups of 20-50 people about marketing, time management and work-life balance issues, I wouldn’t have believed them either. Not this scardy cat. I most certainly would not have believed it 8 years ago when my Crohn’s symptoms were pretty constant, and the slightest bit of anxiety would send me rushing to the bathroom.

But, here I am, with a book, getting ready for my first book signing event, right back where it started, at a bookstore. Is this the silver lining in my story? Did I have to go through this to have my dream?! Apparently so.

It’s hard to find the silver lining when you can’t do your work without also feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, or you have used up your sick days and it’s only July, or it feels like you have to choose between taking care of yourself and having real fun. It’s a big giant suck.

I like the late Randy Pausch’s distinctions in The Last Lecture. Tigger or an Eeyore? Silver lining and dreams or the alternative? Which is better for your health?

Believe me when I tell you that I’m not a pollyanna. I can go into victim mode like everyone else. But, as my coach says, I’m so used to the life I have, I’ve forgotten how good it really is.

I close with another one from Randy’s Last Lecture, ‘We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.”

Joan

P.S. I’ll be back with a more strategically-oriented post in two weeks. I’ll write about the questions of disclosure during interviews, and all the variables that go into the decision, predictable, and otherwise.

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It happens to all of us, doesn’t it? You’ve said you’d get something done and you realize that what’s going on with your body is creating mush in your brains, making it difficult to fulfill on an intention. You can perform where you absolutely have to, but try to push when you’re tired, and it’s practically painful.

It doesn’t happen often, but last night some low level grade of worry kept me from really getting to sleep. I think my body eventually won the battle with my mind at about 2:30 am.

This is my week to post and today was the day I’d planned to write my post. However, because of other projects and appointments on my schedule today, and my mush brain, I simply had nothing to write. I couldn’t find my inspiration nor did I have the capacity to do some research to uncover something current and relevant. That happens some times, right?

Thank goodness I have a partner here. I sent a short note to Rosalind and admitted my complete lack of thought about what I might write about today. She made a couple of suggestions, including what I’m writing about here (the other two ideas would have taken too much brain power).

How does any of this tie into our book, or the challenges of living with a chronic illness? Sometimes we get really, really tired! And, being the good soldiers we are, we may push and push and push, more committed to the external promise than honoring what’s going on with our bodies. If I’ve learned anything from those times when my body just wouldn’t support my lengthy to-do list, it’s been to stop pushing. And, to stop trying to be so compliant. (I didn’t send my newsletter out today either, though I meant to.)

In my coaching business I work with self-proclaimed perfectionists. I smile when they tell me this. I know the tendency well. That’s another thing my illness has taught me; to stop being quite so concerned about what others will think. It’s really hard to “look good” when prednisone gives you a moon face, or you forget your words, or you’re running to the bathroom several times a day!

Like I said in the subject line, too tired to post … at least much more than the truth of today.

Joan

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Writing a book is a funny thing. It’s being read (hopefully) by people whom we don’t know and mostly, we have no idea how people are responding. Other than through reviews. (And, I’ve had several people call me after reading the book to work with me. That’s rewarding!) .

So please, post those reviews. We’ve posted some of online reviews on our own web page

“If ever two things were once considered mutually exclusive, they were career and chronic illness. Add to that being a woman and the whole thing sounded like a joke. Well, we’ve come a long way, Baby.” (read more)

And then there are some on the Amazon.com book sales page as well.

“A little book with lots of useful advice; recommended.” (read more)

Even if you don’t want to write a formal review, we’d want to hear what you found useful – and not.

*******************************************************************************************************

FYI:

Any of you who want to write and be published: Leslie, a blogger (GettingCloserToMyself.com), has a call for submissions for a collection of essays she’s putting together. By women about their experiences with chronic illness.

And Christine Miserandino Donato, at ButYouDontLookSick.com is raising money for her family’s annual Lupus Walk. You can go to this page to read more and donate to thisvaluable cause. It’s a great thing to support even if you don’t live with Lupus yourself.

Rosalind

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When she first contacted me, Jo initially asked me to talk about our book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! But it soon became clear that Jo had questions of her own concerning living with chronic illness.

Jo is a composer, writer, photographer and has accomplished some pretty spectacular things in her life. You have to listen to her music on her site!  Jo also lives with Lyme’s Disease and chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s clear that she’s quite brave and resilient. Although it’s not something she’s comfortable doing, she exposed her fears and battles around this as she “interviewed” me. Because she thought people would benefit from hearing this. Wow.

We spoke at length about the work I do as a career coach (cicoach.com) for people with disabilities because this is something she faces daily.

I had a wonderful time with her. I think you will, too, when you listen.
Rosalind aka cicoach.com

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I admit I had not given much thought to the fact that some women who have to work may not see their work through the lens of having a career, though looking back through my 21 jobs I know I often wondered what my career path was.

Some women, no matter how ill, don’t have the choice to work or not to work – I never felt I did. For about half of the time I was ill I was also a single mom. Even when married, not working has never been an option.

I filed for divorce from my second husband within a year of the onset of my Crohn’s diagnosis. I did this just a few months after I was demoted from my training manager position with the company I’d worked for longer than any other, and from a job I loved. (I was 37 and on my 3rd “career” by then.) I was demoted because my illness and hospital stays made it very difficult to keep up with the responsibilities of managing my store, and it was showing.

Before my divorce was final, I got another job, one I hoped would put me back onto the path I’d started before I was demoted. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I hated the company I worked for. I stuck with it for just over a year, and then sought out and was offered a position as an executive assistant to the owner of a local company. During that entire time – for about 2-and-a-half years – my symptoms were in remission. However, a year into my new office position I was “let go,” just a day after returning from 10 days of disability leave.

It took 5 more years and 3 more jobs before I decided to start my coaching business. Because of the impact my illness had I my career, and my decision to go out on my own, I wrote chapter 7, “You’re Fired – By Your Body or Your Boss,” in which I discussed self-employment as an option.

My post today is not meant to argue against the concerns that have been raised about the focus of our book, and our point of view. I just don’t think we’re all that unique. Rather, I think my story – and Rosalind’s – is typical of the ups and downs, and stops and starts women living with autoimmune diseases experience.

The question still remains, what can we do with this hand we’ve been dealt? There’s no question that there are as many answers as there are women.

Joan

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Honestly?   I focused my company on this group because it’s the “low hanging fruit”.  People who are invested in “career” have invested a lot of effort to get where they are and aren’t giving it up without a “fight”.  I don’t have to convince them of the importance of work.  Nor of the difficulties.

And the book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend? Why did we write about women with “careers” rather than people who have “jobs”?  The simplest answer is that in my experience people who regard their work as a career are more invested in doing what they have to do to be successful.

FYI – for a perspective on this, read Amy Tenderich’s review of Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend! on her May 20 post in  DiabetesMine.com.

And be sure to scroll down to  the email she got from “Funlover”. It’s a sad example of even when you live with a well recognized disease, like Diabetes, and you’re in a nursing school (can you imagine?)  people run into absurd roadblocks in taking care of their health while trying to participate in the “larger world”.  Go figure.

Do you feel like it’s time to start mopping the floors?

Rosalind  aka cicoach.com

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