Are you finding that looking for a job when you live with a chronic illness is daunting, overwhelming, depressing . . .

• “… Enter work gradually and with honesty to your employer about your health needs” .   YES!  If you don’t give yourself time to ramp up because you worry about what “they’ll” think of you,  you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Monitor and watch how work impacts you isn’t necessarily a bad thing.   I think high energy is an over-rated qualities.  Also, if you don’t tell your employer what you need, it’s unlikely you’ll do the job well.  Why set yourself up for failure?

• “… Find something that you feel passionate about so it’s a balance to your health…”   Hmm, passionate.  Let’s face it, few of us get to work at something we feel passionately about. But you can and have to find something that you care about in your job/career, whether it’s what you do, who you’re doing it for or just the folks you see every day.  Otherwise it’s just a job.  And when you’re struggling with chronic illness symptoms, that’s not enough to counterbalance the  struggles.

Rosalind Joffe  aka cicoach.com

Don’t Miss This!    MONDAY, November 3

THE FIRST DAY OF OUR VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR!

Check out the bloggers and their dates!

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We talked about her situation, and this overwhelming feeling she had that she didn’t want to return to her job. Though she had the skill set (she does IT work for one of the big consulting firms), she was not excited about returning to “the job,” and to the high-stress environment. But, as many people are when they’ve been on a particular track, she was uncertain about her ability to do anything else.

To compound her dilemma, she’s here in a work visa (from Canada) and even though she’s married to a U.S. citizen, any employer who would hire her would have to sponsor her, which means that they have to bring her on board for her special skill set. So, she’s got some extra constraints. But that didn’t stop her from dreaming. I loved her attitude.

I recommended 2 books that really helped me figure out what I really wanted to do with my life and for work, Do What You Are by Paul and Barbara Tieger, and How to Find the Work you Love by Laurence Boldt. About a week later, I received the following email (edited for relevance):

I  had a great week…  You are right I’m still coming to an ending and can’t wait for the beginning of exciting new times.  After we spoke last week I went to the small library near my home.  In the library there is a second hand bookstore that I checked out.  It was probably my third time there and they were looking for some volunteers to work 2 hours on one day a week.  So I signed up and did some training last week.  It’s really not very hard or super stressful and the people are very nice.  Plus it gets me out of the house into a new environment.

I did plan to look for the books you suggested in the library but got into the training at the bookstore first.  Then as I was helping to shelve some books these 2 books were staring me in the face… It was like it was meant to be and you can’t beat the prices for the second hand books which is great for us right now.  I was so into the training and helping out and wasn’t even thinking about the books at the time.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the Boldt book!!!! It’s so applicable and I feel like he’s really talking to me since I can relate to everything he mentions or even what the greats over time have known. It helps me to feel more hopeful about the future.  But at the same time I’m really looking forward to the future and working towards a new type of work and a new me!

Thanks again and have a fantastico week!

Can you feel her the shift in her outlook? Though it may take her a while to figure things out, especially with her potential visa constraints, I have no doubt she will. If you were talking to her, what would you tell her? Do you have resources that have helped you through similar transitions?

Joan

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If anyone had told me that my first book would be based on my experience living and working with a chronic illness, I would not have believed it. I was a pretty darn healthy girl. If they also told me that I would be talking to groups of 20-50 people about marketing, time management and work-life balance issues, I wouldn’t have believed them either. Not this scardy cat. I most certainly would not have believed it 8 years ago when my Crohn’s symptoms were pretty constant, and the slightest bit of anxiety would send me rushing to the bathroom.

But, here I am, with a book, getting ready for my first book signing event, right back where it started, at a bookstore. Is this the silver lining in my story? Did I have to go through this to have my dream?! Apparently so.

It’s hard to find the silver lining when you can’t do your work without also feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, or you have used up your sick days and it’s only July, or it feels like you have to choose between taking care of yourself and having real fun. It’s a big giant suck.

I like the late Randy Pausch’s distinctions in The Last Lecture. Tigger or an Eeyore? Silver lining and dreams or the alternative? Which is better for your health?

Believe me when I tell you that I’m not a pollyanna. I can go into victim mode like everyone else. But, as my coach says, I’m so used to the life I have, I’ve forgotten how good it really is.

I close with another one from Randy’s Last Lecture, ‘We can’t change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.”

Joan

P.S. I’ll be back with a more strategically-oriented post in two weeks. I’ll write about the questions of disclosure during interviews, and all the variables that go into the decision, predictable, and otherwise.

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Writing a book is a funny thing. It’s being read (hopefully) by people whom we don’t know and mostly, we have no idea how people are responding. Other than through reviews. (And, I’ve had several people call me after reading the book to work with me. That’s rewarding!) .

So please, post those reviews. We’ve posted some of online reviews on our own web page

“If ever two things were once considered mutually exclusive, they were career and chronic illness. Add to that being a woman and the whole thing sounded like a joke. Well, we’ve come a long way, Baby.” (read more)

And then there are some on the Amazon.com book sales page as well.

“A little book with lots of useful advice; recommended.” (read more)

Even if you don’t want to write a formal review, we’d want to hear what you found useful – and not.

*******************************************************************************************************

FYI:

Any of you who want to write and be published: Leslie, a blogger (GettingCloserToMyself.com), has a call for submissions for a collection of essays she’s putting together. By women about their experiences with chronic illness.

And Christine Miserandino Donato, at ButYouDontLookSick.com is raising money for her family’s annual Lupus Walk. You can go to this page to read more and donate to thisvaluable cause. It’s a great thing to support even if you don’t live with Lupus yourself.

Rosalind

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When she first contacted me, Jo initially asked me to talk about our book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working, Girlfriend! But it soon became clear that Jo had questions of her own concerning living with chronic illness.

Jo is a composer, writer, photographer and has accomplished some pretty spectacular things in her life. You have to listen to her music on her site!  Jo also lives with Lyme’s Disease and chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s clear that she’s quite brave and resilient. Although it’s not something she’s comfortable doing, she exposed her fears and battles around this as she “interviewed” me. Because she thought people would benefit from hearing this. Wow.

We spoke at length about the work I do as a career coach (cicoach.com) for people with disabilities because this is something she faces daily.

I had a wonderful time with her. I think you will, too, when you listen.
Rosalind aka cicoach.com

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I admit I had not given much thought to the fact that some women who have to work may not see their work through the lens of having a career, though looking back through my 21 jobs I know I often wondered what my career path was.

Some women, no matter how ill, don’t have the choice to work or not to work – I never felt I did. For about half of the time I was ill I was also a single mom. Even when married, not working has never been an option.

I filed for divorce from my second husband within a year of the onset of my Crohn’s diagnosis. I did this just a few months after I was demoted from my training manager position with the company I’d worked for longer than any other, and from a job I loved. (I was 37 and on my 3rd “career” by then.) I was demoted because my illness and hospital stays made it very difficult to keep up with the responsibilities of managing my store, and it was showing.

Before my divorce was final, I got another job, one I hoped would put me back onto the path I’d started before I was demoted. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I hated the company I worked for. I stuck with it for just over a year, and then sought out and was offered a position as an executive assistant to the owner of a local company. During that entire time – for about 2-and-a-half years – my symptoms were in remission. However, a year into my new office position I was “let go,” just a day after returning from 10 days of disability leave.

It took 5 more years and 3 more jobs before I decided to start my coaching business. Because of the impact my illness had I my career, and my decision to go out on my own, I wrote chapter 7, “You’re Fired – By Your Body or Your Boss,” in which I discussed self-employment as an option.

My post today is not meant to argue against the concerns that have been raised about the focus of our book, and our point of view. I just don’t think we’re all that unique. Rather, I think my story – and Rosalind’s – is typical of the ups and downs, and stops and starts women living with autoimmune diseases experience.

The question still remains, what can we do with this hand we’ve been dealt? There’s no question that there are as many answers as there are women.

Joan

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Honestly?   I focused my company on this group because it’s the “low hanging fruit”.  People who are invested in “career” have invested a lot of effort to get where they are and aren’t giving it up without a “fight”.  I don’t have to convince them of the importance of work.  Nor of the difficulties.

And the book, Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend? Why did we write about women with “careers” rather than people who have “jobs”?  The simplest answer is that in my experience people who regard their work as a career are more invested in doing what they have to do to be successful.

FYI – for a perspective on this, read Amy Tenderich’s review of Women Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working Girlfriend! on her May 20 post in  DiabetesMine.com.

And be sure to scroll down to  the email she got from “Funlover”. It’s a sad example of even when you live with a well recognized disease, like Diabetes, and you’re in a nursing school (can you imagine?)  people run into absurd roadblocks in taking care of their health while trying to participate in the “larger world”.  Go figure.

Do you feel like it’s time to start mopping the floors?

Rosalind  aka cicoach.com

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According to Jay Cutler’s business manager, the Denver Bronco’s Quarterback is, “managing his disease {type 1 Diabetes diagnosed two weeks ago} and in no way is his football career jeopardized.”

Wow. He accomplished a lot with these few words.

1. We’re told unequivocally that the 25 year old athlete, who until two weeks ago knew nothing about living with a chronic disease, Diabetes Type 1, that needs constant monitoring, is managing his disease.

2. Mr. Cutler’s agent says that this will not affect the young athlete’s career, as if it’s fact.

Now, I haven’t a clue how true either statement is. But I am impressed by the clarity of the message. When I speak and write about how to talk about your chronic illness, I emphasize the need to make to make two things known:

(1) You’ve got things under control

(2) That this will not be prevent you from getting the work done.

Obviously, Cutler’s agent has read my “playbook”!

FYI – For more specifics on talking about this, see Chapter 6, Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease: Keep Working GIrlfriend! – as soon as it’s delivered to Amazon.com or your neighborhood bookseller! – or go to my Career Thrive Guidebook, Are You Talking?

The good news for us, girlfriends (and guys), is that famous people aren’t trying to hide their diseases anymore. (Let’s face it, they can’t thanks to UTube and the internet.) And this disclosure is good because it helps “healthy people” understand that autoimmune diseases — and all chronic illnesses – - can’t be ignored, swept under the rug in the hope that they’ll slip away unnoticed.

I sincerely wish Jay Cutler only the best and I hope that he does learn how to manage his disease so he can continue to be successful. What do you think it would do for the image of people living with Type 1 Diabetes if the Broncos win a Superbowl with him?

Rosalind

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Have you heard about The Last Lecture? I had but because it sounded like another one of those “media” hypes — you know the ones where some guy gets his “Andy Warhol 10 seconds (or was it minutes …) of fame” — I ignored it.

But when a client sent me the links to Pausch’s videos and said I had to listen (thanks, Lynn), I wondered if maybe I was missing something. And I was.

I found myself laughing out loud (which is a little embarrassing when you’re alone in front of a computer) by his Lecture. Then I was in tears (HONESTLY!) by his sincerity and remarkable attitude. Listen to Randy Pausch’s thoughts on dying, advocacy and what dreams do for you.

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And in the spirit of creating conversation and getting your thoughts.  Please –  comment on the web and let us know.

Ladies: What do you suggest when chronic illnesses and caregiving have impoverished you and you can’t afford vacations; when respite care’s out of fiscal reach; when flare ups have put you out sick so often that if you even have time off left, asking for more is inviting job loss because your boss’s patience is thin and you’re behind anyway and wiped out playing catchup?

Does this resonate with you?

The writer seems to be frustrated by Joan’s post about taking a vacation as well as my own (in my WorkingWithChronicIllness Blog).   Knowing that the best writing has a specific reader in mind, we created our target reader when we wrote our book — and when we blog here. She’s not “everywoman”.  She is someone with a lot on her plate at all times and  chronic illness makes it often feel like life is just too damn hard  (sorry if my language offends but I can’t think of another word that does this justice).

So, I ask you as a writer — and as a coach. What would you want someone to say to you when you tell her that you’re feeling like you’re drowning – and there’s no oar in sight?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

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