The choice to disclose your illness during the interview process has to be a personal decision. There is no way we could possibly tell you what is right or wrong as there are too many variables. You’re not required to voluntarily disclose. You are required to answer interview questions as honestly as possible. Your potential employer is allowed to ask you questions to find out if there is anything that would prevent you from performing the tasks of the job for which you are applying.

“Job Relevance is the Key Factor.” From an article on monster.com: …interview questions should be designed to determine a candidate’s capability to perform the essential functions defined for the job. An interviewer is required to couch their inquiries in job-relevant language, and not to make assumptions about a candidate’s ability or disability. If you want to read more about what an employer may or may not do, read the full article, How to Interview Candidates, Part 3: Legal Interview Questions and Hiring Guidelines.

What about you, the candidate? I’m fairly certain it’s not necessary nor wise to start out your interview by introducing your illness too: “Hello, I’m Joan Friedlander and I have Crohn’s Disease?” It may be absurd to suggest you would ever do that, but the guilt and worry might make you want to just get it out of the way.

In our book, Rosalind wrote out some good ideas and guidelines about disclosure during the interview process (page 117). I think there is a lot of merit to her suggestion that if you decide it’s important to disclose that you do what you can to wait until the job offer stage, and only, again, when you have reason to know that you’ll need accommodations of some sort. If you chose not to disclose during the interview, you’ll do better if you have some plans for how you’ll handle disclosure if you’re ability to do your job changes. You can get help with that in Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease.

I confess I never disclosed on an interview because I only looked for a new position when I was well, and nothing was preventing me from doing my job at that moment. In addition, I didn’t understand what I was actually living with for some time because I went in to remission for almost 3 years after my first round of symptoms subsided. By the time another flare up came around I had 2 more jobs under my belt.

Later, when I had a clearer understanding of my situation, it was still quite likely that I could be in remission for months at a time. How could I say, “I should be ok for 10-12 months, but then I’ll probably have to go out on disability for a bit?” Do you think this was the wrong choice?

Here I am again, 3-plus years in remission. If I were to decide to go back to work for a company, do I know that I would become ill again? I don’t. I’m smarter about my situation, and I believe I’d handle disclosure differently if I felt it was important for the job ahead of me. Of course, now that we have the Internet a quick search would take a potential employer to this blog. Drat! I’d better get back to my marketing.

Joan

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Writing a book is a funny thing. It’s being read (hopefully) by people whom we don’t know and mostly, we have no idea how people are responding. Other than through reviews. (And, I’ve had several people call me after reading the book to work with me. That’s rewarding!) .

So please, post those reviews. We’ve posted some of online reviews on our own web page

“If ever two things were once considered mutually exclusive, they were career and chronic illness. Add to that being a woman and the whole thing sounded like a joke. Well, we’ve come a long way, Baby.” (read more)

And then there are some on the Amazon.com book sales page as well.

“A little book with lots of useful advice; recommended.” (read more)

Even if you don’t want to write a formal review, we’d want to hear what you found useful – and not.

*******************************************************************************************************

FYI:

Any of you who want to write and be published: Leslie, a blogger (GettingCloserToMyself.com), has a call for submissions for a collection of essays she’s putting together. By women about their experiences with chronic illness.

And Christine Miserandino Donato, at ButYouDontLookSick.com is raising money for her family’s annual Lupus Walk. You can go to this page to read more and donate to thisvaluable cause. It’s a great thing to support even if you don’t live with Lupus yourself.

Rosalind

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I was reminded of one of the defining moments in my last job. I’d just returned to work after 2-plus months on disability leave. I was happy to be back and my co-workers were happy to have me back – thank goodness.

I looked forward to lunch with the usual group. We headed out, took the elevator and walked out the front of the building. And, I noticed something. They were headed to lunch at a pace synonymous with a mad rush from a burning building. I, on the other hand, was walking like I was taking a comfortable stroll on the beach. While away from work I’d slowed down, initially because it hurt to move too quickly and I didn’t have the strength. Then, it became a habit. I’d gotten off the treadmill.

Have you noticed that to help preserve your energy and keep your symptoms at bay, that you have to stay more centered in your body? That day I made a promise to myself. I decided I’d not return to that unbalanced, head forward, racing posture again. And, I haven’t. Sure, I can walk more quickly when I need or want to, but it’s never at the fire drill pace.

What about you? Am I crazy to think that we, with AD’s, have an opportunity to invite the rest of the working world to get real, to slow down a bit? What if “normal” is off kilter and we’re here to say, “Hey, this model for working is not working!” I know, you didn’t ask for this assignment.

Joan

P.S. If you want to read more about the effects of fast-paced busyness on the body, check out an article I wrote a few years ago, Busyness Is Not a Long-Term Health Plan. Scroll down the page to learn about the role of adrenalin in all this. Here’s to your health.

P.P.S WE’RE SO EXCITED. Our book is in the publisher’s hands, which means we should be getting it soon, which means is should be at www.amazon.com in a couple of weeks. MORE NEWS: we got a fabulous review by the Library Journal. Scroll down a bit to find the review of our book.

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And there was another race in the marathon for President. Wouldn’t it be something if one declared, “I can’t do it anymore. I’m just too tired!” Oh and place your bets here for who will be the first to talk about chronic illness as an issue in this campaign …

In my last post, I mentioned the article about our book (and my business, cicoach.com) in the New York Times Online Business section this week. Hooray for press and attention to these issues. I got lots of email from people who saw the article — and it indicates that we (the chronic illnesser’s) are barely limping along — not even keeping a steady pace?

Here are two :

Hi Rosalind, Since I’m recovering right now from a migraine (and had to miss a meeting at an agency that I’m trying to land a job!), I’m not able to write/expound on other illnesses that affect workplace functioning.
But I will when I’m up to it. I’ve suffered both the migraines, as well as severe depressions and anxiety. I have accomodations at work (e.g. flex time, part-time work) and have also consulted (grants writing). My husband and I have not been able to take the kinds of vacations we’d like that would in fact be therapeutic (e.g. Florida in winter) due to income–I keep saying if I can get a full-time job we’d be able to do this… Anyway, I look forward to adding my thoughts to the blog on this topic.

AND HERE’S ANOTHER ONE:

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And in the spirit of creating conversation and getting your thoughts.  Please –  comment on the web and let us know.

Ladies: What do you suggest when chronic illnesses and caregiving have impoverished you and you can’t afford vacations; when respite care’s out of fiscal reach; when flare ups have put you out sick so often that if you even have time off left, asking for more is inviting job loss because your boss’s patience is thin and you’re behind anyway and wiped out playing catchup?

Does this resonate with you?

The writer seems to be frustrated by Joan’s post about taking a vacation as well as my own (in my WorkingWithChronicIllness Blog).   Knowing that the best writing has a specific reader in mind, we created our target reader when we wrote our book — and when we blog here. She’s not “everywoman”.  She is someone with a lot on her plate at all times and  chronic illness makes it often feel like life is just too damn hard  (sorry if my language offends but I can’t think of another word that does this justice).

So, I ask you as a writer — and as a coach. What would you want someone to say to you when you tell her that you’re feeling like you’re drowning – and there’s no oar in sight?

Rosalind aka cicoach.com

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What’s he doing instead? He’s writing his reviews. I can only imagine the frustration of not being able to talk. It would take so much longer to say things, and at his age, I don’t know if learning sign language would be all that easy. Though his career as a film critic has most certainly been severely interrupted for his health, it seems his passion for his work has inspired him to get back on the horse in a new way, and just as soon as he could.

This is just one more example of how the human spirit and drive, when combined with a little help from technology, makes it possible for those of us with long-term, uncompromising health issues to remain “gainfully employed.” Sure, Ebert is famous, and he’s probably got lots of resources. However, I would venture to say that it’s his drive – his warrior spirit – that’s caused him to find ways to work anyway.

We, who are not so famous, also have tales that would inspire others, if only we would tell them. As you’re living your life day-to-day, and dealing with your own set of circumstances, you’re living a story worth telling. When I decided to write Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease with Rosalind, I did so to help tell my story, and to give back to “my community.” Perhaps you can’t share your story too openly at work, but can you share it with someone else who’s still coping with the early stages of shock and denial? Have you?

If you’re not seeing the drive you exhibit day-to-day, tell your story to someone. Watch them as they hear you speak. If you really want to kick it up a notch, ask him or her to tell you their story too.

Joan

P.S. I’ll be on vacation from the 9th through the 13th, and will be back with another post next Monday. Rosalind will return shortly thereafter. I bet she’ll have some new tales to share with us.

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I met with a friend today who is using crutches in the wake of a terrible knee injury. It was a while before she could put weight on her leg, and now she can but not steadily. She wondered if she’d become dependent on her crutches beyond the point of actually needing them. In her case, probably not, but her question was a wise one.

One of my “habits,” solidly formed when in the worst months/years of my illness, was a commitment to do nothing before 9 am. I needed that time in the morning to be comfortably close to a bathroom. IBD sufferers need the bathroom!

One day, several months after my symptoms went into remission, I realized that I no longer needed that practice in my life.Though my flare ups and all the symptoms had subsided, I was still making decisions about what I could and couldn’t do as if there were still in full-force mode. I’d built a limiting box around me that I no longer needed.

To make a longer story shorter (this is a blog, after all), I “swung out” and joined a morning LeTip business leads group that met once a week, with meetings starting at 7 am. I did this for about a year, and it was ok. There were times I had to get up and head to the bathroom when I’d rather I kept going to the meetings anyway. It was a symbolic practice.

BTW, I still prefer to start my day at home, and to start talking to people at about 10 (though I can now be flexible and schedule some things at 9), but the reasons are different. I just like to start my day with some reading and thinking time.

After months and years of living with an AD, it’s likely there have been times when you’ve had to limit your activities. The challenge, then, is to recognize when setting strong boundaries around people, places and/or activities is now a habit, even if not a requirement.

What about you? Do you think you’ve limited your choices or activities beyond the point you needed to? If you did, how did you recognize you’d done that, and what did you do as a result?

Joan

p.s. if you read Rosalind’s other blog, you’ll find out she’s in Argentina! How great is that?

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On those days when you are feeling less than optimistic, the stories of others who have won can carry the day. Today, I went in search of inspiring stories of people who persisted. I came across a site with story after story of men and women who have prevailed, www.humanhealing.com.
Helen’s story, a young woman of 29 with Dystonia, as told by her mother, Jaye Lewis: If you Can Dream It… “By the time Helen was twenty, it was obvious that something was terribly wrong. She could not write, yet she kept going. She would contort her hand, just to sign her name. Her voice became faint, and she could not pronounce certain letters, but nothing could stop her sense of humor, or her courageous journey towards excellence.”

Read this story about a young woman, who at 30 years old was told she was dying, an unstoppable woman. “In 1984, Marion Luna Brem …was dying. …on a hot Texas morning in May, Marion laid with her cheek on the cold bathroom floor trying not to throw up-again. And despite her gut-wrenching pain and paralyzing fear, she knew she could not afford to lie there feeling sorry for herself. From Cynthia Kersey’s new book, Unstoppable Women: Achieve any Breakthrough Goal in Just 30 Day.

The women who were kind enough to share their stories with Rosalind and me in Women, Work and Autoimmune Disease, most definitely demonstrated the quality of persistence.

Terri is a musician with high aspirations for a songwriting and performing career. In the face of a difficult marriage, 2 teenage sons and an 18-month bout with endometriosis, she was derailed from pursuing her dreams. For months she could not get out of bed for more than an hour or two at a time. She came to one of my workshops about a week after she finally had the strength to start to rebuild her life. (I did not know this at the time.)

Terri hadn’t lost touch with her dream and was worried she would have to go back to work at some boring job that would stifle her spirit and hinder healing. I told her she didn’t have to. I believed she could find a way to earn a living utilizing her talents so she could sever her financial ties with her (now ex) husband and continue to take care of her health. She did, with flying colors. All she needed was a little encouragement to get started.

I know if you’re reading this blog, persistence is part of your nature. You may not always feel like persisting every moment of every day. That’s not where you look. It’s your will to get up again, to continue to work on the puzzle that tells me your chances are very good, very good indeed.

Joan

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I was listening to an interview on-line of Richard Cohen by Good Morning America on the ABC site. He’s promoting his book, “Strong at the Broken Places.” Richard has MS. His message is similar to ours, and the same as others writing and supporting people with chronic illness. People with chronic illness do better when they have activities, goals and interests outside their illnesses. Without them, we forget we are more than our bodies.

When Rosalind and I first started working on our book, she told me about the messages many women who are chronically ill have received to go ahead and take it easy, to stay home, and be available for her family. Not ever hearing such things from anyone in my life, I couldn’t relate. But, she assured me, it happens to women, and it certainly happens to women more than men. That, I can believe.

This is why we’re writing for women and why we think Keep Working, Girlfriend! is an important book. Women have a few more mixed messages to overcome than men, from our friends, doctors, family and even ourselves! We already have a enough guilt to last a lifetime if we have children. Add a chronic illness to the mix and we’re sunk.

We are all identified by our roles in life. “I’m a mother.” “I’m a sick person.” “I’m a manager.” “I’m a (fill in the blank).” Truthfully, we are none of those exclusively, and when we identify too much with any role we limit our potential. Symptoms associated with our illnesses are something we live with, like brown hair. (Ok, not quite the same, but you know what I mean.) On the other side of the coin, our physical challenges provide us with tremendous opportunities to expand and grow. Do you agree or disagree?
Joan

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There’s a lot of pressure for everyone on Christmas, I think: sad and happy, healthy and sick, Christian/Catholic and not. A friend of mine, also Jewish, may opt out of the family celebrations this year. After spending some in the morning with her boyfriend – who does celebrate Christmas – she’s going to do something else while he visits with his family; she’s going to eat Chinese food and go to the movies, a Christmas day tradition for some people who don’t celebrate Christmas.

I say, good for her. What she’s asserting, I think, is her right to choose how she wants to spend the day that most honors who she is. The notion that there’s only one way to celebrate Christmas, is contrary to health and healing.

There is a religious, or faith based, aspect of Christmas that might be just right for anyone living with a chronic illness, or with any life event that requires healing; prayer, quiet thought and meditation. In a article The Mustard Seed Christmas published in the Hopekeepers (R) magazine a few years ago, the author told of how she discovered her ability to find the celebration on Christmas day just a few months after her mother passed away.

I’d love to know how you celebrate Christmas day – if you do – and what you do to stay centered in your health, to find your personal strength. I wonder if has changed for you in any way.
Joan

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